The past few months have been one filled with change. At the beginning of fall I left a job doing amazing work and moved full time into working in mental health (also doing amazing work). This of course came after finishing my PhD in Psychology and no longer having the role of grad student. And at the same time I had been hearing God speak to me about a church plant and joining the team to help launch this. Sounds like a lot of changes right?
So fast forward and here we are, now its February and things are starting to settle some. I have gotten a bit more settled into doing mental health work, and we have started our grand opening weekends for the church (which has been so fun!) and yet there is this longing. Am I doing what I am called to do? And a chorus that has been running through my mind on repeat. “Looking for a reason, Roaming through the night to find, My place in this world, My place in this world, Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find, My place in this world, My place in this world.” In the midst of doing some super cool things I feel as though I am still not exactly there. Now I have not typically felt like I was every completely connected, or like I fit in when in church. I am not the one that can focus in on single ministry and be happy. I remember when I was in ministry school and people would talk about how they are passionate about children or youth or worship or (insert group or activity here) and that was never me. No one group or thing ever did that for me. So I never quite fit in because I wasn’t one of the children’s ministry people, although there were seasons where I did children’s ministry. I also was not one of the youth ministry people, although there were seasons where that was where I served.
I was always the one who saw the outsiders, the less than, the people on the fringes of church. I was the one that cared about all the people hurting; but that does not fit nicely into the box of ministries.
So here I am jumping into a church plant with a bunch of people I don’t know (side note, I may love people but I also don’t typically like them, especially strangers) and I find myself once again trying to figure out where I fit. I remember when I first met with the pastor and he asked me which team would I want to serve on, it was down to a choice between two (Outreach and Small Groups) and my first thought was why not both? So I asked can I do both. And I did and since then a third has magically appeared and outreach has become an area where my passion is quite landing in this season. In the midst of all this my mind has wandered into the land of the chorus above.
The third team that surfaced was the tech team. Oh how I love the tech team, it is the one constant in ministry that I can count on. When I need a season of rest, or a season of healing, or just want to hide out for a bit, tech has always been there to help out. So for now, while my spirit and my mind are trying to figure things out, I’m going to take some time and hide out in tech. I’ll be back out doing other things soon, small groups have not started yet but when they do I will be there. Until then, I’ll be in my favorite hiding spot in church.